


Dark Cooking

by Burgie



Category: Star Stable Online
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 04:10:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11981850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burgie/pseuds/Burgie
Summary: Darko hosts a cooking show, and Savvy co-hosts. Savvy belongs to sso-saturnrider on tumblr.





	Dark Cooking

Most people would be scared if Darko led them into a dark room. But not Savvy. She trusted the Dark Rider, he was like her brother, after all. And he'd never tried to hurt or scare her. She felt perfectly safe.

And, when Darko hit a large switch and large overhead lights lit up the space, a huge grin spread across Savvy's face. Huge workbenches were illuminated, showing knives on their gleaming surfaces next to ovens. And, above all of that, hung a large, neon sign: Dark Cooking.

"Surprise," said Darko with a smile.

"You really did it!" Savvy squealed, jumping on him and eliciting a huff from him. She didn't care how his various belts dug into her as she squeezed him tightly, she was too happy to care.

"Yes, I started putting this together when you mentioned it at our last dinner party," said Darko. The 'party' portion of that dinner had been when all of the food had got up and danced. "And I thought that it might be a good idea to attempt to conquer the masses via a popular form of television. The Generals refused to act in a soap opera, so a cooking show seemed like the next best thing."

"Wow," said Savvy, still grinning. "This is awesome!"

"Yes, it is a most excellent idea, if I do say so myself," said Darko, running a hand over his hair proudly. Savvy snickered at his preening.

"Are the contestants here yet?" asked Savvy.

"Yes," said Darko. Then, he raised his voice. "Bring out the contestants!"

A line of people stepped forward into the light, all looking around nervously.

"Contestants!" Darko barked, and then he paused and resumed speaking in a manner more befitting of a show host. "Welcome to Dark Cooking." Savvy knew that Darko's smooth, deep voice would be a hit with anyone. Pity he already had a girlfriend, but she was busy today. "As you all saw on the application forms, the point of this competition is to cook a delectable dish in the time period alloted. The dish must not only be delicious but also be able to hold up to dancing." Savvy snorted, glad that she wasn't drinking. "And the prize is one million Jorvik Shillings."

"Yes, about that dancing," said one contestant, a middle-aged man. "What did that mean, exactly?"

"Exactly what it sounds like," said Darko. "I will cast a spell, and the food will dance. Whichever dish ends up mostly in one piece after the dancing will see their cook go through to the next round. There will be only one winner."

"Are there any other guidelines?" asked a woman.

"No," said Darko. "Cook whatever you wish in, let's say... an hour. Good luck."

Darko strode to the front of the room with Savvy as the contestants ran around like headless chickens. He sat on an onyx throne with red cushions, and Savvy took an armchair of the same colours beside him. She grinned as she watched them cook, and laughed as the contestants tried to figure out which food would hold up best. Some went the safe route and made jello, one made a tiered cake, one made steak and eggs, there were multiple soups for some reason, a risotto, and someone just made a sausage sandwich.

"I think I found the Australian," Savvy whispered upon seeing this last one. Darko chuckled.

The two of them counted down from ten as the last seconds appeared on the giant digital clock, and then the contestants jumped back from their benches as the benches let out loud bangs and sparks shot into the air. There were some shrieks.

Darko strode down the length of the bench, Savvy beside him, until he reached the first dish. This one was the cake.

"Make a wish," said Darko, placing a candle into the cake and lighting it.

"I wish the cake would dance," said Savvy, and blew out the candle. Immediately, the cake jumped up and began to dance, shaking wildly like an earthquake had hit the studio. Savvy began to giggle, and then, when the cake grew cakey legs and started to do high kicks, she started laughing. Frosting flew everywhere, all over the bewildered contestant and the floor and the bench and Savvy. At last, with one 'ta-da' move, the cake fell back to the bench with a mighty splat. There wasn't much left of it but one layer.

"Next," said Darko, moving along and wiping the frosting off of himself. Savvy licked it off her face and picked it out of her hair.

The jelly wiggled, the risotto just sat there (a bad risotto, Darko declared it), the steak wiggled and sent fat and blood flying everywhere, the eggs broke and yellow yolk oozed down to the plate (the eggs then skated in the yolks), and the sausages... well.

"Congratulations, you just gave this show an M15 rating," said Darko as the sausage stood up and started wiggling around. Savvy covered her eyes with her hands.

The chicken wasn't cooked properly, but it made Savvy laugh as it wobbled around like the turkey had.

With the dancing done, Darko and Savvy worked their way back down the bench, tasting what was left of the dishes. The jelly looked like a promising contender, but it was rubbery and made Savvy gag. She spat it out politely, while Darko scowled and shoved the plate back at the terrified contestant.

"You call this a risotto?" Darko barked, holding up a spoonful of the rice dish. He held his spoon upside down, and the rice stuck firmly to it.

"S-sorry," the contestant stammered. Darko slammed the spoon back down into the dish and moved on, not even willing to taste it. Savvy didn't, either- it might set to cement in her stomach.

The steak lay in a pool of egg yolk, creating a delicious sauce, which they both enjoyed. 

"Well, Savvy, what do you think?" asked Darko as they stood at the end of the bench, having tasted all of the dishes.

"Well," said Savvy, swiping some more crumbled cake and frosting, "I know it didn't hold up well, but I like the cake."

"Hmm, I like the steak and eggs, but it's up to you," said Darko.

"Then the cake wins this round," said Savvy. The person behind the cake cheered.

"Congratulations," said Darko. "Jelly, you're out for creating that abomination." The jelly-maker looked down sadly at their dish.

"Can I help judge next week too?" asked Savvy as the clean up crew came through, cleaning up the mess.

"Of course," said Darko. "I can't judge without the dancing food expert, now, can I?"

"Thanks, Darko," said Savvy, and hugged him. Darko picked some cake out of her hair.


End file.
